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Emotional time-bomb

A month from now I'll be moving to Ottawa.
I can't believe how much life has changed, how much I've changed, in such a short amount of time.
This semester has by far been the hardest, most interesting and most challenging semester in my time at Mount Allison yet. But it's also been the semester and best few months ever.
I've met so many great people, and built so many solid relationships with people. I may not have a huge group of close friends, but I have a big group of pretty good ones, and a few really really special ones.
Hilary, Kyle, Jamie, and Chris have definitely been the reason I've made it through this semester. Hilary especially. That girl is like my guardian angel, my best friend. I'm going to miss these people so much.
Ottawa is something I really wanted, and I really did, and still do. I'm just starting to doubt myself, like I usually do, when I'm going after something I want.
I wanted to get out of Sackville so bad, and I really am ready to move on. It just all feels so fast. I couldn't wait to leave Sackville, now it's hard to leave. These people are like my family now, they are so great and so lovely and it's really going to be hard to say goodbye.
This semester has been the most testing semester. I was ready to give up and throw in the towel, but someone out there was looking out for me and brought these people to me, and I'm so greatful and thankful for that. I don't know where I'd be without them.
Michael and I have definitely grown a lot as a couple this semester. We've had some of the most challenging times in these past few months but we're nearing the finish line, and then get to walk into a whole new chapter, together this time.
I don't have to say goodbye to him again and I am so happy for that as well.
I'm leaving behind some really great friends, an amazing family and some amazing memories.
But I'm also really looking forward to a new adventure, a new city, a bigger place, new people, new friends and a new stage of mine and Mike's relationship together.
I've learned a lot about myself this semester, and am still trying to figure it all out, but it's mostly good stuff.
I'm starting to realize the negativity I plant in myself, and the self-doubt and the fear that I carry around with me all of the time.
My trust in people has definitely been tested in the past, and I sometimes self sabotage before I get the chance to get hurt, which I realize I don't want to self sabotage any more.
I deserve to be happy. and I deserve to be loved.
I don't know why I stayed in such abusive relationships in the past.
With guys who didn't treat me right, and didn't treat me how I deserve, and now that I have on that treats me like a princess, and truly loves me for me and doesn't walk away when things get rough, I realize why I went through all the pain in the first place.
I am a really lucky person.
I'm scared and anxious and stressed beyond belief right now, and exhausted from not having time to feel and go through all the emotions that I'm harbouring right now.
But I have to make it to the end of this semester and then I'll have time to process and feel, and do some introspective work with myself.
For now, it's to the books, for now.

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