Casile Naomi

this is me, my hair is long as eff now. i've been thinking lately, people are always hesitant to say they love their lives, or that they're happy. i've found more often than not that either people are in denial and pretend they're happy, they're content, OR they're unhappy/depressed and hopeless. morbid, but true. people are so afraid to say "i love my life" or "life is great" or "i love myself" or "i'm genuinely happy" so, i yelled it today. i yelled that i loved my life. because i do. and yes, it's scary because there is always a chance things can go downhill, but what kind of life would it be if you just always settled on the bottom so that you couldn't go any farther down. a pretty pathetic one if you ask me. i love my life. i love myself. and i am genuinely happy. it has been awhile since i have felt this free, or uplifted of whatever the hell you want to call it. i love myself. i love my life and i'm ...

I guess you could say we like each other.

i feel like everything i just said went completely unexplained and it made me feel very shallow. i'm sitting on my couch, it's 12 noon, it's 20 degrees outside and the water is fairly calm. the trees are super green and i can hear the birds. i'm listening to the not yet released bon iver album. im sitting on my couch feeling a pressure in my chest that is trying to tell me something. i've felt it before. i wish i remembered what it means. i feel like it's a time for change.   i know that sounds corny. but do you ever feel like there's something out there calling your name, begging you to pay it attention, screaming that this is what you're meant to do? because that is how i feel right now. i'm stuck in little rothesay/quispamsis, a town that has moved on without me . i got lost in the background, and skidded to the side lines in the rubble. if it weren't for mom and dad, josh jesse and teener, then i would have no reason to be here. and i lov...

usually to describe how i've been feeling lately "happy" would be an understatement. life is so good lately. i'm working, looking for a second job, and things with things are just good. very good. but, i find it hard to be happy in a place where i'm lacking friends. i sit at home all day, and do nothing. i do look for people to msg, and look for people online and try to make some sort of connection with friends but it isn't working. my kv friends here i only see when we're drinking or going out, which personally i don't really like that much. and i have only seen sam since being home because since tom and i broke up no one really thinks to invite me anywhere, he always did that, they don't know to. i don't know what to do. aidan said move to london, you'll get more money, we'll be together, anne marie and michelle are there. and truly, i'd be happy. but the thought of being that far away from my family frightens me. i mean, ...

this is just awesome.  basically what the world is coming to. alarm clock that vibrates on your finger instead of beeping and making loud noises. sweet ass room. good lord. this is awesome.  green roofs. two story pool.

i think this is a first no longer am i cursed by your control i think i'm finally me again not thanks to you but blessed by him he makes me free to live happily

I'D SAY MY LIFE IS PRETTY SWEET NOW. SOMETIMES I FEEL WRONG FOR SAYING THAT. AND I FEEL WEIRD OR SOMETHING. BUT IT'S A GOOD THING. I'M SO HAPPY. I FEEL MORE MYSELF AND MORE HAPPY THEN EVER. CHEERS TO THAT AND CHEERS TO THIS AWESOME DAY.

i don't understand people's need for attention and sometimes i don't understand why people can't just let go there's a saying on my wall that says "in the end, what matters most is, how well did you live how well did you love how well did you learn to let go" and i used to this it was bull shit but now, i realize it's true. you never regret living or loving really, well, sometimes but you always regret not letting go of something, and then it eventually pulls you down letting go is the best thing you can do for yourself sometimes. and i do believe that. it's seriously detrimental to your health and the one you're holding on to if you won't just let go. letting go is so healthy. some people in life run away , but that's not what i'm talking about i'm talking about cutting unhealthy ties, and burning the unhealthy fucky bridges. it's so good for you dwelling in the past and living for something when all you...

Everytime I hear an emotionally moving song, which is very often, because I find all music emotional, I play it to a life event. Or create a clip of a movie in my head that would go perfectly with the song. This song, Mighty Rio Grande- This Will Destroy You plays to something in my life that is overcoming a new challenge. Driving away from pain. Then again, I can hear it playing while I'm laying in my bed crying with a broken heart. I hear it playing cuddling with my boy and being perfectly happy. I can hear it playing while driving in the car in the summer with the window down. Something about this song.

this guy is a genius. i have loved every movie i have seen with him in it. in bruges- hilarious movie. dark comedy but so so good.

it has rained and been overcast every day since i've been home. i miss anne marie and aidan. saint john is nice for awhile, but it's so boring after that "while" once i start working this will go by faster i hope FACK

well, long distance relationships are by far the hardest thing i've tried or had to do i think. it's been 2 days and i'm already finding it extremely challenging. i worry that he will convince himself into not trying. or that he will forget about his feelings for me. or something. it's hard to explain really. i worry a lot, and i know that. but i feel as though he has issues too, like it's been 2 days and i can already tell he is distancing himself. which is normal in a sense, i suppose. but it makes it harder on me. it's hard when all you want to do it talk in person and spend time together but you're 2 provinces away. i want this to work so bad that i may be trying too hard which is going to mess it up. i'm trying not to make the same mistakes i have in the past. this is scary. i feel so vulnerable. i need to stop obsessing over it. i over think just about everything. just seems like he texted and talked to me more when i was in the sam...

I miss him. I miss her. I miss there.

Home. The feeling of no control is taking over. I feel something coming. Like this anxiety is my body trying to tell me something. I feel helpless sometimes. Am I okay?

herro. holy it's been awhile since i've written. i'm in london, ontario with aidan and anne marie, i leave this sunday. it's been absolutely amazing. i love it here. i'm somewhat dreading going home, don't get me wrong i am so excited to see my family and my room and the river etc. it's just, none of my friends from home have even contacted me, or replied to me, and we haven't spoken in months... so it kinda feels like i have no friends to go home to. we'll see though. spending time with aidan and anne has been amazing. we went camping to the bruce peninsula, it was unreal. beautiful. sam came with us, it was the best camping trip ever. went to toronto too, with aidans dad and brother. his family is awesome, so is anne maries. they're just welcoming and nice, unlike some other peoples families i've had to deal with in the past. i enjoy families that remind me of my family; welcoming and loving. so, i've been having anxiety again. i ha...