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some thoughts & desires / self-discovery

1. Travel somewhere, soon. Indonesia, India or Italy.
I can tell in my heart that I am going to travel, or that I am meant to. I need to. I can just tell. These all start with "I's" and I realize that, (ha, that was punny) but seriously, I want to travel somewhere and just be free, and see the world, and maybe do an outreach somewhere. I don't know. I want to meditate with Guru's as listed in number 4 would be so, moving, in my opinion. I need to go somewhere. I know I can't afford it but in the novel "Eat, Pray, Love" she states that no price can be put on travel, and I believe her. I feel like it is so neccessary, for me anyway, and that it won't be regreted and would be so rewarding.
2. Learn another language, or two. Italian or Spanish.
I know French and English, and that is just so cliche. I want to learn another language. I think both of these languages are extremely beautiful sounding, everything just rolls off the tounge. English is actually the most unappealing language to the ears in my opinion, minus maybe dutch or german, they're just so harsh. Maybe not so much German, but point still intact, English is gross. I want more.
3. Try to get something published.
I love writing, poetry, music, which is poetry basically, yes, minus repeating yourself some, but I want to have something out there. Hard copy. That will still be around even when I'm not someday, (hopefully not soon, I'm young.)
4. Start mediating every morning/ yoga classes.
I don't want to go to church again I don't think. Besides, I don't really have a church anymore. I do want to do something spiritually engaging though. Mediation has always been such a pleasing concept to me. Going to India would be amazing, I want to meditate in a class where the chant and worship whichever God they worship. To me it's all the same, I think there is one Greater Being, just different names or beliefs. Maybe there isn't even a Being, but a sense of soul, or self, or spirit. I don't know, hard to explain.
5. Start playing piano again.
I was good at piano. Really good actually. I played well, my teachers always told me I had piano playing hands. (And they were female so no it wasn't creepy.) I'm taking my keyboard to school next year and keeping it at Aidan's. I'm going to start playing more. I almost said I'm going to "try" to start playing again, but my brother always tells me there is no trying, only doing.
6. Get better at guitar.
I really need to actually practice. I got my guitar almost 3 years ago and still suck at it. I love writing music and lyrics and imaging the rhythm and beat they would go to but I don't or haven't had the patience yet to actually learn how to play guitar well. I get too frustrated. Maybe Aidan will help me. We'll see.
7. Start painting again, and more.
Painting, music, and writing are my three means of emotional release. I have lacked on the painting since I went to school and no longer have my dad's studio and supplies ontop of not having my high school art classes. Now that I'm home for the summer I want to start again even though I'm super busy. I love it. It's like writing with paint, and I can listen to music at the same time. (No I can't play music myself and paint at the same time, althought that would be interesting, that'd be Canada's Got Talent tv show potential right there.) I want to buy some supplies before I go back to school as well.
8. Read my cameras manual
I know I take good pictures and can do good editing, but my camera can do so much more than I am allowing it to do. It's cruel almost, it's like buying an amazing clown and only giving it one prop. Just cruel. I can do better.

I realize 8 is a displeasing number to make a list out of and 10 would be better, but how stereotypical is that. So, deal with it. 8 is an even number, it's just not dividable by 5. Too bad.

This is all very much inspired by "Eat, Pray, Love" but it is still all very much true, and I very much desire all of it.

Ps: I hate birthcontrol. I'm not myself on it. So, note to self, keep in mind that this isn't the REAL you, this is the scary version of you that is getting used to the hormones and estrogen b.s that you are putting in your body so your ovaries don't feel like they are taking bombing during your menstural cycle.
Sorry if that is too revealing for some. But it was neccessary for my mental health to be able to look back on this for reference.

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