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past, present & future.

Blood Bank by Bon Iver just came on. I'm in the cafe getting organized and starting to make qcards of all the stuff i need to memorize for my exams, and organizing assignments I need to get done.

This song came on and I just caught my breath. I feel like I'm in a really good place. I'm thinking about all this shit I've been through. Some people might look at it as nothing but, I've had my heart broken 3 times, and I've had my back stabbed by friends thousands of times. But it's all over now.

I feel good. Really good. I feel like I'm finally starting over. I'm okay. I'm happy. I'm on my own and I'm just so content and happy. It's hard for me to put how I feel right now into words. Hm.

I feel new. That's it... I feel new. I'm still the same person, obviously. Or a piece of that same person. I just feel good... I don't know. I'm sometimes great at putting how I feel into words and sometimes really bad at it.

I feel like I've shed a dead layer of skin and have started developing a new one. It feels amazing. I used to always focus on the pain and loss and betrayal of it all, high school, and last year. But none of it really matters any more. It's all made me grow and learn etc.. but it's not baggage any more, or it doesn't weigh as much or something haha.

I am scared of getting hurt again. I'm scared to love again. But why the hell wouldn't I. I'm happy about my new relationship and am excited about it. I'm not going to let the past ruin my present of my future.

Feels good to breathe this deeply and smile.

This is good.

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