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GUSH

i'm sitting here feeling extremely nostalgic.
i flew home tonight from spending 10 days at mikes house in ottawa.
it was incredible. i don't care how corn dog this post sounds so screw off to anyone reading and deal with my girliness or just stop reading.
he is my everything. i can't even explain. whenever someone asks me about him i just get all red and retarded which is weird cause i'm not like that, and i may seem like i don't have much to say about our relationship but it's genuinely because it can't be put into words without it sounding cliche or rehearsed, because he is it. like all the movies and all the rom coms and all dat shite. that's him. seriously. it's crazy. i've never loved anyone like i love him. and i can say that without feeling the need to justify it to anyone because i know it's true.
i feel as though i am quiet about him and i (as in i don't gush about it much to other people) because it's something so sacred to me. and that sounds retarded and intense but i mean, i care about him so much and value our relationship so much that it's such a fragile thing to me, it's mine, and his and that in an of itself is enough. i love that boy, so much, it's scary and exciting and freeing and life giving. finally found true love and he was right infront of me for a whole 6 years.

coming back to sackville is always so strange for me. i have friends here that i love, and i like my classes etc. it's a good school, nice town, but i always feel lonely here. i was talking about it with my room-mate tonight. it's like there's always something missing here, this plays doesn't do my heart right. i don't know what to do about it or if anything will be done about it it's just unsettling. i sometimes wonder if it's a sign that i should no longer be here, to move on and figure out what i really want to do and where i really want to be but who knows. i'm waiting for something to happen, change usually finds you when it's needed, i find.

my family means the world to me. i don't think i could ever voice enough how much i fucking love my family. every single one of them- just makes me shake my head and smile when i try to describe how much they mean to me. they're all so different and amazing and genuine and relaxed and passionate and just, fucking, wow. i have the best family in the world and i truely believe that. best doesn't mean perfect, best means something beautiful despite imperfections and flaws. i wouldn't trade mike or my family for anything in the world.

life is good, and i feel like i sometimes need to remember that more. i'm a lucky individual, i'm loved, and i love, i take value in my relationships and respect those that come into my life for however long or short that may be. seize the day is such an overused saying but it's really relevant right now, so fuck it.

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