alright. so. i want to move to london. we were downtown yesterday afternoon and it was like 20 degrees outside and it was awesome just walking around with anne and michelle thinking like, wow. it is so much better here then saint john. don't get me wrong i love quispam, it's where we all grew up and where the church is/was whichever, but i feel like that chapter of our lives is closed. for all of us. yea my mom is still in school and my dad is teaching but my mom could get an awesome nursing job here and my dads art would sell like crazy here. people in saint john just aren't willing to spend money on good, awesome art, unlike people here who cherish shit like that, as it should be.
i think that i am the happiest i have been in a long time. maybe ever. minus when i was a carefree little shit of a child, and had no worries in the world, but i honestly feel completely content and happy with who i am and where i am and where i am going. aidan is awesome. and it's exciting to see where we will end up. i love anne marie, she is the best and her family is amazing, reminds me of my own.
i'm realizing how damn lucky i am. my life is awesome. i was thinking today about how much not only i, but everyone complains about the most minor things in our lives, and yeah things are shitty sometimes and we have the right to be upset and grieve and all that, but when you look at the big picture "this too shall pass". things always get better, sometimes they get worse before they can get better that is okay with me. give me the real instead of the bullshit fake fasad that some people put on. this life is a good one and it's my only one so i'm going to make it the best it can possibily be and enjoy every minute of it.
it is strange how at home i feel here. i feel at home at mta and london more so then at my own home in quispam. i don't mean that in the sense that it's not my home anymore, where my family is will always be home, i just mean that my heart has moved on from that little town and is craving larger, more exciting adventures.
i'm fucking happy.
that is all.
i wake up every morning at around 2 am it sounds cliche but it alway hits me im here while shes with him sometimes it takes over the thought of what we had i never knew these emotions so well angry, confused and sad it sounds a little childish but i do wish him the worst i know that i dont mean it but, i really want him to hurt sometimes i feel resentment sometimes i feel sympathy but really all i wanna know is how could he do this to me i don't mean to sound conceded i don't mean to sound stuck up but really all i did was try to make him happy he said i was, then said i wasn't enough how can someone do that how can someone so quickly change then i think he didn't i just saw the image, that he chose to portray what i saw was distorted he showed me fakeness, that i didn't see through he made me believe he was a good person i still get angry at myself, for questioning whether its true ive never been so betrayed someone i dont think ive ever been this hurt but i think...
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