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ugh my heart

My heart breaks at the thought of my family not being a family any more. It's frustrating. I know how much they love each other. I see it. I can feel it. They just... got lost somewhere along the way. It's like they accidentally went it two separate directions and can't figure out how to get back to one another.

I realize now that it's something I have no control over. It's hard though. I feel like I have to be there to mediate, and help them, cause I do seem to help when I'm there. It hurts... No one even knows. Onlyyy me. Ohhh my heart aches.

They are both so sad. And so hurt. And just, gah. It's impossible to explain how much my family means to me. We are friends, we are the closest of friends. We're a family dammit. If that ever changed I don't know what I would do with myself.

That may sound melodramatic. Parents split up all the time, and I'm older now. But we're too close for that to happen.

I don't know what I believe in. I don't believe in religion per say but I'd say I'm a pretty spiritual person. I rarely pray. But I pray for them every night. People always say things happen for a reason. But I just KNOW they are meant to be together. Not cause they're my parents, they just... are meant to be together and that is that.

Anyways... I have company coming over soon so I have to go make it look like I wasn't crying, and act like I'm not terrified.

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