He's hanging out with someone else. Apparently not 'seeing' someone else, but still.
I wonder if she makes him happy. If she's smarter than me. Cooler than me. Prettier than me. Funnier than me. I wonder if there are things about her that he likes that I never had.
He has been so horrible to me. I don't know if it's because he thinks I deserve it, or if he truly and honestly just does not give two shits about me any more, and if he's doing it to try and make me hate him, like he said.
I get glimpses of the guy I fell in love with every time I see him, most times, anyway. I wonder sometimes if we tried again if it would be different. And then I get mad at myself for wondering that. I'm mad at myself for still loving someone who doesn't and will not love me back. I miss his family. I miss Bruce and I miss Connie, and Scott and Chris and Tina, and Ruby and Tux. I miss the life we COULD have had together.
I keep remembering all these moments when it was all falling apart and all the things I could have said differently, or done differently. I stopped being FUN. I stopped treating him the way I WANTED to treat him because I wasn't getting anything back. I was tired of being the one who loved MORE all the time, so I stopped. And when I stopped, I think I started believing the way I was acting. I stopped randomly kissing him, for fun. I stopped jumping his bones when I was horny. I stopped being sporadic and giggly. I stopped doing all the things that he probably fell in love with me for too... I just couldn't any more.. I was too drained from loving so much and receiving so little. I know he loved me, a lot, and he admitted that he couldn't show it even though he tried because he was 'broken'. I don't know any more, my heart has never felt so hurt. I know I must say that every time I get hurt but this time is different.
Moving here was supposed to be me fulfilling a dream. Moving here to be with the man who promised to love me forever. We got an apartment together, we got a kitten together, we made a home for ourselves, we made a plan to get married and have kids when we were older, it was supposed to be a dream come true, together, like we always talked about, and now it's all gone. This city for me is just heartache, failure, regret, mistakes, memories, and sadness. It's the bare bones and corpse of a lost dream.
Just, WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. How can he be so cold, and mean, and indifferent, and harsh and cruel. Just, how. The person I thought loved me most in the world, a scary amount, the immensity of his love for me terrified me when we first started dating, but what scares me more is how quickly it went away, without given reason.
I wonder if she makes him happy. If she's smarter than me. Cooler than me. Prettier than me. Funnier than me. I wonder if there are things about her that he likes that I never had.
He has been so horrible to me. I don't know if it's because he thinks I deserve it, or if he truly and honestly just does not give two shits about me any more, and if he's doing it to try and make me hate him, like he said.
I get glimpses of the guy I fell in love with every time I see him, most times, anyway. I wonder sometimes if we tried again if it would be different. And then I get mad at myself for wondering that. I'm mad at myself for still loving someone who doesn't and will not love me back. I miss his family. I miss Bruce and I miss Connie, and Scott and Chris and Tina, and Ruby and Tux. I miss the life we COULD have had together.
I keep remembering all these moments when it was all falling apart and all the things I could have said differently, or done differently. I stopped being FUN. I stopped treating him the way I WANTED to treat him because I wasn't getting anything back. I was tired of being the one who loved MORE all the time, so I stopped. And when I stopped, I think I started believing the way I was acting. I stopped randomly kissing him, for fun. I stopped jumping his bones when I was horny. I stopped being sporadic and giggly. I stopped doing all the things that he probably fell in love with me for too... I just couldn't any more.. I was too drained from loving so much and receiving so little. I know he loved me, a lot, and he admitted that he couldn't show it even though he tried because he was 'broken'. I don't know any more, my heart has never felt so hurt. I know I must say that every time I get hurt but this time is different.
Moving here was supposed to be me fulfilling a dream. Moving here to be with the man who promised to love me forever. We got an apartment together, we got a kitten together, we made a home for ourselves, we made a plan to get married and have kids when we were older, it was supposed to be a dream come true, together, like we always talked about, and now it's all gone. This city for me is just heartache, failure, regret, mistakes, memories, and sadness. It's the bare bones and corpse of a lost dream.
Just, WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. How can he be so cold, and mean, and indifferent, and harsh and cruel. Just, how. The person I thought loved me most in the world, a scary amount, the immensity of his love for me terrified me when we first started dating, but what scares me more is how quickly it went away, without given reason.
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