I'm home. I saw all my friends. Whom I have met through tom. I felt so awkward at first. Then I got drunk... Then david and I had an intense emotion talk. I don't exactly remember all that was said. it was very deep philosopical shit. I can't spell. Apologies.
Casile, look at the sky. What do you see
Clouds
What do the clouds make you feel like.
Lost, lonely, scared, sad.
What do you wish you could see?
Stars.
Can you?
No.
How can you change that?
I can't.
EXACTLY. no one likes change, no one can control it. Embrace it, and just know there are stars to come.
He kept saying I was blaming all this shit on myself. That I need to move on, and be myself. That I am one of the most unique and authentic people he has met in a long time.
Don't sit down.
Why?
Sitting down is depressing.
But it feels so good.
Why is that?
Cause
Cause it's the familiar, that's why. Stand up, on your own two feet. You are independent.
I said I don't even feel myself. That everyone at the party was wondering why I was there, that everyone that knew me knew me through Tom. That I felt guilty for even being there, like everything I did in my life was influencing him. And that's just stupid. He chose to give me up. He chose a life without me in it. I think I drunk dialed him tonight. Everyone said that they love me because I'm casile, not because i was once tom's girlfriend. I sometimes believe it. I sometimes don't. I don't know what I'm waiting for. I don't know why I haven't moved on yet, he has. I have in a sense but not to the extent he has. I'm still processing all this shit. Who knows if what I'm doing is right, or wrong. But it's where it needs to be for now.
I keep going back to him, everything goes back to him david.
People who dwell in the past, miss out on the future. Don't pass up a good guy because you don't know if he's BETTER, there is no comparing. Act on your heart, not your fear of love.
I'm drunk. But all this makes sense right now. What am I going to do when he gets here Sunday. What is going to happen. I'm lost and confused. Being home is weird. I miss people. I miss myself. I miss SHIT. Like, wtf. I'm so not even normal anymore I feel. I said I don't seem like Casile. and he said I am still here.
How do you feel?
DIFFERENT
CHANGE YOU MOTHER FUCKER. EMBRACE IT.
lawl. I love david :) and .. well, i need to love myself. I love my friends, and they are MY friends too. I'm not longer afraid to say that.
Argh, so much to say but just too tired and too confused to compose it all. Night!
Casile, look at the sky. What do you see
Clouds
What do the clouds make you feel like.
Lost, lonely, scared, sad.
What do you wish you could see?
Stars.
Can you?
No.
How can you change that?
I can't.
EXACTLY. no one likes change, no one can control it. Embrace it, and just know there are stars to come.
He kept saying I was blaming all this shit on myself. That I need to move on, and be myself. That I am one of the most unique and authentic people he has met in a long time.
Don't sit down.
Why?
Sitting down is depressing.
But it feels so good.
Why is that?
Cause
Cause it's the familiar, that's why. Stand up, on your own two feet. You are independent.
I said I don't even feel myself. That everyone at the party was wondering why I was there, that everyone that knew me knew me through Tom. That I felt guilty for even being there, like everything I did in my life was influencing him. And that's just stupid. He chose to give me up. He chose a life without me in it. I think I drunk dialed him tonight. Everyone said that they love me because I'm casile, not because i was once tom's girlfriend. I sometimes believe it. I sometimes don't. I don't know what I'm waiting for. I don't know why I haven't moved on yet, he has. I have in a sense but not to the extent he has. I'm still processing all this shit. Who knows if what I'm doing is right, or wrong. But it's where it needs to be for now.
I keep going back to him, everything goes back to him david.
People who dwell in the past, miss out on the future. Don't pass up a good guy because you don't know if he's BETTER, there is no comparing. Act on your heart, not your fear of love.
I'm drunk. But all this makes sense right now. What am I going to do when he gets here Sunday. What is going to happen. I'm lost and confused. Being home is weird. I miss people. I miss myself. I miss SHIT. Like, wtf. I'm so not even normal anymore I feel. I said I don't seem like Casile. and he said I am still here.
How do you feel?
DIFFERENT
CHANGE YOU MOTHER FUCKER. EMBRACE IT.
lawl. I love david :) and .. well, i need to love myself. I love my friends, and they are MY friends too. I'm not longer afraid to say that.
Argh, so much to say but just too tired and too confused to compose it all. Night!
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