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word vomit

where is my mind?




Cause my whole life has been changed, and torn apart, and recklessly thrown back together and I had no control
over any of it
I feel like my life is just passing me by and I'm stuck here in the middle with all this fucking change happening around me
like my heart still fucking hurts
over some ass hole
because he broke it
to pieces
I don't know how to move on

I still replay everything in my mind trying to make it make sense
and it doesnt
ill never understand, ill never get a reason why he did it, why he stopped loving me, why he just up and left me all alone, ill never get closure
maybe i need to accept i'll never get closure, i'll never get anything from him that he said he would give me. I got a broken heart.
How am I supposed to accept defeat. Everyone says I'm not defeated. That I'm the bigger person, I came out the stronger person. And yet I feel completely trampled.
How am I supposed to move on when I'm forced to come back to Rothesay every break or holiday, forced to see him, forced to feel awkward and unwanted and forced to feel like I wasn't good enough. I wasn't good enough for him. I don't know how to let go of this and how to move on because I won't accept a huge question mark. I don't want to this to define me. Or ruin me. I'm so FUCKIN pissed off. FUCK

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