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Guilty

I didn't wake up this morning for my first class. First class I've missed since this semester started.
I spent the night with him. He was in my dreams, all night. We were together again. I could see him, hear him, touch him, smell him. It felt so real. It felt so good to see his face again. I knew I was dreaming, I knew it wasn't real. I could have woken myself up if I had so pleased, but I wanted to stay there, with him. Sitting by the water.
"Can this be our new first kiss?"... That's when I woke up. Because I didn't know if I could let myself answer yes. So I chose to wake up, and say goodbye to his eyes, and smile, again.. I didn't want the dream to turn bad. I didn't. It was nice to spend some time with him though, I must admit. I feel... I dunno what I feel.
Miss him, I guess. And if my dreams are all I get of him, then so be it I suppose. I always wake up after dreaming of him with an empty feeling in my chest. My dream fills that I think, momentarily. It's hard to say goodbye, over and over again. I just want a "hello"... I don't know.

I don't know why everybody wishes they were somewhere else, cause in the end the only steps that matter are the ones you take all by yourself. Walk on, Walk on, Walk on, Cause you can't go back now.- The Weepies.
Can sleep be death when life is but a dream?- John Keats.

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i wake up every morning at around 2 am it sounds cliche but it alway hits me im here while shes with him sometimes it takes over the thought of what we had i never knew these emotions so well angry, confused and sad it sounds a little childish but i do wish him the worst i know that i dont mean it but, i really want him to hurt sometimes i feel resentment sometimes i feel sympathy but really all i wanna know is how could he do this to me i don't mean to sound conceded i don't mean to sound stuck up but really all i did was try to make him happy he said i was, then said i wasn't enough how can someone do that how can someone so quickly change then i think he didn't i just saw the image, that he chose to portray  what i saw was distorted he showed me fakeness, that i didn't see through he made me believe he was a good person i still get angry at myself, for questioning whether its true ive never been so betrayed someone i dont think ive ever been this hurt but i think...

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I miss you guys like crazy, you're my sturdy ground The only emotions I have towards you are anger, sadness and pity, and maybe a little compassion. But the majority of them are resentment that I wish I could control. Sorry I'm falling for you and it is scaring me shitless. What scares me more is you haven't hurt me yet, and you say and do everything I need to hear and feel. This, is scary. Yep. I miss being together as much as we were, we had some pretty "epic" times. Only word I can think of that would actually describe our friendship. I dunno why we stopped hanging out You are honestly fucking up so bad, but I still think you are a really good person, then that makes me feel like a shitty person.  You are really annoying You don't love her You crave attention too much in my opinion but I see through it and think you are really heart-broken and hurting. It will get better. I promise You guys are still my friends even though he is an asshole. You guys...